I'm A Scorpion, It's My Nature

Once again, I find myself writing about professional wrestling. Don't ask me why, I just do.

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

Close on the heels of the tragic death of Eddie Guerrero (preliminary autopsy reports indicate that Guerrero died of heart failure, likely due to years of drug abuse), Vince McMahon has announced a strict new drug policy which will affect all wrestlers in the employ of Titan Sports, or World Wrestling Entertainment, or WWE, if you prefer.

According to Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer newsletter; "Vince McMahon announced to all the talent this afternoon in Sheffield, England, a new drug policy, which would include performance enhancing drugs, recreational drugs as well as abuse of prescription drugs...In addition, the company is going to mandate more comprehensive cardiovascular examinations for its athletes. All performers under full-time contract will be subject to frequent, unannounced and random testing."

Here's the link to the announcement on WWE.com.

I want to say thank you to Vince McMahon. I really do. I want to sing Vince McMahon's praises from the highest mountaintop. I want to tell the world that Vince McMahon has seen the light, that this new policy will make a dramatic change in the lives of so many wrestlers, their families and their fans.

But I can't.

Not yet, at least.

Because I don't think this policy is going to come into effect. Not completely. And I think that if it does, the ripple effect will prove so catastrophic to the wrestling business that the entire matter will be quietly backed away from, and eventually forgotten, just another failed attempt to bring reality into the spectacle that is pro wrestling.

I'm not saying that is what WILL happen. But I think its a good possibility.

The reality of the situation is that drug use is not the real problem in professional wrestling. Drug use, and drug abuse, is a symptom of a greater problem. Spectacle. The image. And spectacle in the service of capital. The overlying narrative that structures and defines professional wrestling. Therein lies the real problem.

These guys aren't using 'performance enhancing drugs' because they enjoy injecting stuff in their buttcheeks or like swallowing horse pills. They're taking this stuff because it will help them get a better physique, either in muscle tone, definition or size, or even all three. Particularly when they don't have the time to get to the gym as often as they would like. So they take shortcuts. Like Lattimer in The Program, they're taking this stuff to get that little bit of extra advantage, to get them over the hump. To get them their "Place at the table!"

Because wrestling fans have been trained to demand these spectacular mesomorphs.

So I'll hold off on praising Vince McMahon just yet.

Okay, so I wrote all of the above at the end of November, and then got busy with papers (both marking and writing) and all that other exciting school stuff, and just sort of forgot about it. But then I remembered, and thought I should post it.

Which is kind of fitting, when you think about it. Because after that initial announcement about the drug testing, not much was heard about it. Then, this past week, the following statement was released on WWE.com. It reads,
"WWE has been working diligently to complete its new wellness program for talent, which includes an aggressive drug and steroid testing program and heightened cardiovascular monitoring. The company believes it has identified a third-party that will be able to implement the program, which will be done independently of WWE, and is going through final phases of its due diligence. WWE believes the program will be ready to implement before the end of the first quarter of 2006."

So, it looks like Vince and Co. haven't forgotten about their announced drug testing policy. They've just been working on it and perfecting it.

But I'm still holding off on praising Vince McMahon. This is the man who got GLAAD to endorse the Billy & Chuck 'gay wedding' knowing full well that the angle would NOT result in a 'gay wedding' but would also feature Billy and Chuck denying any homosexual desires.

But can you blame Vince for doing this to GLAAD? Can we blame him if certain highly placed, well-physiqued wrestlers are not subject to this new testing policy? Can we blame him if, as with the last WWE drug policy, changes are only made for a short time, then is swept under the rug and forgotten about?

Because Vince is the scorpion. Deception seems to be in his nature. The business of sports entertainment is premised on lying and deception. And yet we, the fans continue to believe him.

Professional wrestling is, as Barthes described it, a "spectacle of excess." Whether that excess be the bodies of the wrestlers, or the lies told, or the ludicrousness of the storylines, the "spectacle of excess" is what drives professional wrestling. It is what motivates the promoters, the bookers, the wrestlers, and perhaps most importantly, the fans.

I promise to write more soon. I'm currently reading Steel Chair to the Head, an excellent collection of essays on professional wrestling. It has the Barthes, the Jenkins, an excerpt from Mazer, and some other excellent pieces. I think I'll do a review, for those of us who like to destroy what we love.