Why Aren't You Watching?

We are now a couple of months into the new television season, and the body count is starting to pile up. NBC's Kidnapped was banished to the graveyard that is Saturday nights, and told to wrap things up in 13 episodes. There is also talk that Twenty Good Years, starring John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor, is also getting the boot. CBS's Smith, starring Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen and Amy Smart was bumped off. Fox's Vanished has also been ordered to wrap things up in 13 episodes. Evidently the CW (the merger of UPN and The WB) had a show called Runaway that has also been killed off. I'm fine with all of these, because I only watched one of them, Vanished, and it wasn't very good. But now there are rumours starting to abound that some of the season's better offerings may be on the chopping block. So I implore you, if you watch television, if you despair over the lack of quality offerings on network (ie non-HBO & Showtime) television, start watching these good shows.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Aaron Sorkin just keeps on churning out great shows. First Sports Night, then The West Wing, and now Studio 60. An hour long drama about the inner workings of a Saturday Night Live-esque show. I swear, Matthew Perry was born to recite Sorkin dialogue. And Bradley Whitford just picks up where he left off with West Wing, delivering great performances. Add in DL Hughley, Sarah Paulson, Nate Corddry, Steven Weber, and Timothy Busfield, and you've got a great cast. Hell, even Amanda Peet manages to do more than flash her sexy toothy smile.
There was a great moment in the first episode where Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford are having a conversation in a half-taxi used for sketches. Their conversation finished, they get up to leave. Perry walks out the front, since there is no front half of the cab, while Whitford opens the door and gets out. Brilliant.
What's even better is that the show discusses issues that need to be discussed, but tend to get lost in the white noise of status quo television. The role, and under-representation of minorities on television. The effect of the growing corporatization of the entertainment industry. The self-censorship created in the culture of fear birthed on 9/11. The growing influence of religious right neo-conservatives. The role of art in a commercial capitalist culture. All this, wrapped up in an entertaining and compelling dramedy.
And I think thats the problem. People aren't used to having network television offer up these issues. They're used to dealing with the issues like the range of grapefruit pulp, or who is sleeping with whom, or any of the other banal minutiae that are typically offered. And don't get me wrong, I like to indulge in mindless escapist entertainment. After all, I'm a wrestling fan, and I watch The Ultimate Fighter. But I also like to be challenged from time to time. Shows like Studio 60 do that.
The other complaint I've heard about Studio 60 is that its too much like another show that NBC offered this year:

30 Rock: I'll be the first to admit it, I have a thing for Tina Fey. For a while, she was the only bright spot on Saturday Night Live, with her place at the Weekend Update newsdesk helping to make the show watchable. Some jackasses at one of those "men's" magazines labelled her as one of the must unattractive women on television, but I think thats because they know she is smarter than them.
This show is brilliant. Alec Baldwin follows up a spectacular performance in The Departed to appear on the show as a GE executive who, after inventing the "trivection" oven, is given command of the "The Girlie Show" presided over by Tina Fey, and starring Jane Krakowski. His first move, to bring in Tracy Morgan, who channels Martin Lawrence in presenting a seriously unbalanced, delusional, often unintentionally hilarious, comedian. While the entire cast is hilarious, as is the writing, the best part of the show is Jack McBrayer, who plays NBC page Kenneth. Overly exuberant, utterly naive Kenneth, of whom Baldwin says, "In twenty years, we'll all either be working for him, or be dead by his hand."
Currently the show is on Wednesdays at 8, but it is said that NBC will be moving the show to Thursdays at 9, followed by Scrubs. This will give NBC a two hour block of great comedies, reminiscent of the good old days when NBC had shows like Cheers, Night Court, Friends, and others in that slot, dominating it for years. But now, Thursdays at 8 is Survivor, and 9 is CSI versus Grey's Anatomy. I haven't watched Grey's Anatomy since ABC moved it, but evidently quite a few people are, as it is winning the battle over CSI.
I implore you people, stop watching Survivor. It is the Terry Schiavo of television. Just let it die already. It had a good run, it helped to lower the bar for television programming for years to come, and paved the way for such mind-numbing treacle as Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Unan1mous, The Apprentice, and all the other reality shows that continue to pollute the airwaves.
And I'll admit it, I chose to watch Survivor in the past. But today, if given the choice between Survivor (or any other "reality" show) and a well-written, well-acted comedy like My Name is Earl or The Office, I'll take the show that admits to being scripted.
As for CSI, I will also admit to being fascinated by the show in the past. But the lustre has worn off. Issues such as the 'CSI Effect' along with the continuing melodrama that pervades what should be a police procedural have made me sick of CSI. And don't get me started on CSI's bastard children. And I'm just a civilian. If you really want to hear from people who hate CSI, talk to cops who have to deal with the repercussions of the show, and the ridiculous heightened expectations that it creates in the minds of the general public.
So people of the world, I am begging you. Stop watching Survivor and CSI. Break free from the shackles of mediocre comfort television, and embrace shows that are offering something better than the status quo. Studio 60 and 30 Rock are two such shows. But perhaps the best new show this year is:

Friday Night Lights: Film adaptations are a tricky beast. Really, any time you try to capture what worked in one medium and translate it to another, you're going to run into problems. Robert Rodriguez did it successfully with Sin City. Sam Raimi did it with Spiderman. Peter Jackson did it with Lord of the Rings (although I know some fanboys who disagree). Catwoman is an example of a horrendous failure. So too is Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Friday Night Lights is an interesting case, because it is a television show, based on a movie, which was based on a book, which was based on the author's experiences over the span of a year in the town of Odessa, Texas. Obviously, the movie couldn't capture everything from the book. The movie focused on the football team at Permian High, while the book was about the entire town, with the Permian Panthers as the focal point. It raised questions about the priorities of the modern education system, the role of sports in community building, and the economics of small-town America in an increasingly growing global America.
I think the television show will be able to address these issues, if they're given the time. Some of the details from the book have been changed, such as the name of the team. But really, the only complaint I have is that they changed the team colours from black and white to yellow and blue. But its entirely possible that was done for legal reasons. Or because someone at the show is a Michigan fan. But apart from these minor changes, the show has the potential to address the issues raised by the book. The problems of joining and agreeing without question, a problem found not only in small-town football, but in the military, and authoritarian nation-states. The problems of hegemonic masculinity. The problems caused by major paradigm shifts when your world view is too myopic.
Friday Night Lights has the potential to be an important, powerful television show. It has great performances from Kyle Chandler, Connie Britton, and a group of young people playing the students. It has smart writing, a universal plot (well, North-Americanal, but that's not a word), and a message. So naturally, nobody is watching.

I'm begging you, good people of North America, take some time to check out these shows. They are smart, they are funny, they are what television is supposed to be.

TUF 4.11

I really should be working on my second chapter. But I have writer's block. So I am taking the advice I gave to my tutorial students, and using this blog as an attempt to break the walls down.

On with the show

Major Points

• Random acts of violence. Pete Spratt decides he wants to break through the wall of the house to the outside. Not with a sledge hammer or other blunt instrument, but through the application of sheer brute force. For some reason however, Mikey Burnett is the one who does the actual running at the wall. Have no fear faithful reader, he's wearing swim goggles for protection. And actually, I would say that the eyes are probably the most vulnerable part of Mikey Burnett's head.
• Mikey does a fair to middling job of putting Mikey shaped dents in the sheetrock, but is unable to reach the outside. The wall however, draws first blood.
• The hidden television makes an appearance, as the boys get to watch the TUF3 finale. Oh Ed Herman, will Tito ever love you?
• Preparations for Lutter/Drago begin. Dana picks Lutter.
• Chuck Liddell trains with Drago. Liddell is cool.
• Tired of trying to act as a human wrecking ball, the boys in the house practice throwing playing cards. In theory. It breaks down into a game of whip shit across the room, moving from playing cards to poker chips, and ending with ice cream and Twinkies.
• Lutter trains with noboby. Team No Love has seemingly given up on training, so Lutter, the only TNL member to accomplish anything, is left to his own devices for his training. We get some great footage of Lutter jogging alone. Which is odd, because I thought they weren't allowed to go anywhere alone. I mean, Jeremy Jackson got kicked off for leaving the house to go play slap and tickle with a lifeguard. Maybe semi-finalists get special treatment.
• We actually get to hear from Mark DellaGrotte, who is training with Travis. MDG is a third.
• The fight starts around 10:30. We all know what that means by now.
• Drago's strategy seems to be trying to punch, failing, and then falling to his back with Lutter on top. Somebody's a bottom.
• Lutter makes a game of trying to hit every inch of Drago's face with part of his arm. Lutter wins. He also wins the fight, 30-27.
• Drago cries.

The Good

• Chuck Liddell is good people.
• Lutter is unscathed from his fight, so he should be in good shape for the finals. Which are in a week and a half, or, four months after the semi-final fights.
  
• I was glad to see Drago crying after losing his fight. Not because I want him to suffer (although he never did drop 'I Will Break You') but because it was a moment of authenticity on the show. Those are rare on reality tv.
  

The Bad

• After commenting on the relative maturity of the fighters this season, I was disappointed with the decision to play smash the wall. Meaningless destruction is stupid, particularly when somebody is going to have to pay for the damages.
• I've also thought Matt Serra was a great coach all season, but reflecting on this episode, I wasn't very impressed. Matt was too encouraging while Drago was lying there doing his impression of a side of beef. He should have been yelling more than "Nice!"
• Lutter was pretty gassed after the fight. I hope he's been working on his cardio for the finale.

The Ugly

• I cannot in good conscience let the events that stemmed from the playing card throwing go unmentioned. Most of the events were fairly benign. But then they started wasting Twinkies. Twinkies are the food of the gods, and deserve greater respect. I only thank the stars that they weren't wasting Hostess Fruit Pies, or I would be very upset. Mass-produced snack cakes deserve greater respect.

Next week, Cote vs Bam Bam.

Bound For Glory

So I was all set to watch Pride "Real Deal" at Crabby Joe's on Saturday night, when, a couple of weeks ago, I got a better offer. My brother emailed me and told me he had won tickets to go see Bound for Glory in Detroit, courtesy of Viewers Choice Canada. We made some plans, arranged for the proper transportation and accomodation, and headed down to Detroit for the big show. You can get recaps all over the net, so I'm not going to bother giving all the details. I'm just going to reflect on the show as it came across to the audience live in the arena.

General Thoughts

• I am overweight. So I love visiting the United States. Because I'm the same size as just about everybody else.
• I hereby demand that American restaurants make their way into Canada. I'm looking at you Cracker Barrel, Denny's, Chili's and Olive Garden. And don't give me none of that 'It didn't work the first time' crap Olive Garden. It was all good, and then one location didn't do well, so you cut and ran. But we Canadians are a forgiving people, and we will gladly welcome you back. Please, come back and put East Side Mario's out of business. Their commercials make me want to kill puppies.
• I also demand that Hostess Fruit Pies be made available in Canada. I know they're going to be the death of me, but I'll die happy dammit!

The Arena

• I've been a wrestling fan for over twenty years now. In that time, I've weathered bad storylines, bad wrestlers, Vince Russo, and a scourge of avoidable and unnecessary wrestler deaths. But the thing that makes me consider giving up wrestling forever is none of those. Instead, its other wrestling fans. I know this is going to make me sound like a snob, but there is nothing more disturbing than the crowd you'll find at a live wrestling event. From that guy who dresses like Hulk Hogan, to the stereotypical gap-toothed rednecks, to the overweight virgins with their misspelled signs. A wrestling event can be a damn depressing place. And I'm not saying that all wrestling fans are like that. Some of my best friends have been wrestling fans, and I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen in public with any of them. But a live wrestling event truly draws in a diverse cross-section of North Americana. The next time anyone questions why advertisers are reluctant to advertise with pro wrestling, go to a live event.
• I did run into a couple of guys from The LAW at the show. One of them is a total dick. The other is Dan Lovranski, who is very personable.
• Okay, I gotta say this. The seats at the Compuware Sports Arena suck. I'm talking Linda Lovelace level of sucking.
• Okay, TNA, you really need to make some changes if you want to be taken seriously. Some of them I'll get into when I talk about the show, but here's a big one. Have more than one merch table. Seriously, half hour waits for shirts isn't cool. And also important is location. If you're going to make people wait around till you open the doors, have a merch table out there. When people wait, they get bored. And when they're bored, they buy shit. Think about it.

The Show

• Our seats weren't bad. If you saw the show, we were in the stands to the left of the entrance ramp. So we had a good view of the entrances. And not a bad view of the ring.
• Before the show started, Jeremy Borash was throwing stuff into the crowd. Dude has a good arm.
• Chant of the Pre-Show: 'Thank You Dixie' for TNA President Dixie Carter. Classy and well-deserved.

Bobby/Robert Roode v Lance Hoyt

• Okay, for weeks they've been plugging Bobby Roode's quest for a new manager. They brought in Sheri Martel, Bobby Heenan, Col. Parker to tease the big announcement. And the big announcement is...Traci Brooks. Now Ms. Brooks, her unnaturally large breasts barely constrained by a quasi-sexy business blazer. Yawn. All that buildup to re-re-re-re-introduce Traci Brooks? Brutal. And boring.

Kevin Nash Invitational X-Division Battle Royale

• Okay, this is the first of my major complaints about the show. TNA had large video screens set up at the entrance ramp. But they didn't use them enough. So whenever something was happening backstage, we didn't see it. So much of the show was lost on us.
• The match was pretty good, with some entertaining comedy, and some good moves. The match wasn't supposed to be a technical masterpiece, and instead was meant to get the crowd psyched up and excited.
• It was great seeing the return of D-Ray 3000, particularly his heartwarming reunion with Shark Boy.
• The return of Austin Aries Starr was also great, although I don't like the name change as I find it unnecessary and annoying.
• Zack Gowen may be annoying, but he's kind of impressive.
• Sirelda is annoying, but at least she's not Chyna. Or Asya. Or Nicole Bass.
• The other problem with the Austin Aries (I'm sorry, I refuse to call him Austin Starr) return was that we were unsure whether he was a heel or a face. Even when Nash was handing him the trophy we weren't sure. But if this leads to some Alex Shelley vs Austin Aries matches, I'm all for it.

The James Gang Vs AMW Vs The Naturals Vs Team 3-D

• Boring. How many times are The Naturals going to win the Number One Contendership and then lose a PPV match? And then get slapped around by Shane Douglas? Yawn.
• And the James Gang and AMW just disappeared. They brawled backstage, and that was the last we heard from them. Very stupid.

Raven Vs Runt Vs Samoa Joe Vs Abyss in the Monster's Ball match with Jake Roberts as the referee

• The match had some good action, with some awesome spots. Joe's senton driving Abyss' face into the tacks. Runt's plummet followed by Abyss' elbow drop.
• This match earned the first "This is Awesome" chant of the evening. Somewhat undeserving, but because it was the first intense match of the night, it got some crowd love.
• My big problem with this match is that it was a huge waste of Joe. They put him in a holding pattern after he beat JJJ last month, but his involvement in this match made no sense.
• Plus, what was with Jake stopping people from using chairs? Thumbtacks are okay, but you can't hit guys with chairs? Lame.
• Plus, the victory didn't help Joe, it hurt him. He needed a Jake DDT to beat Raven? How stupid. Joe shouldn't need Jake's help to beat anyone, let alone Raven.
• And when the hell is Raven going to get his title rematch?

Eric Young v Larry Zybysko

• I hate Larry Zybysko. And not that heel heat that makes me want to see him get his comeuppance. That heat that makes me turn the channel when he's on my television. So, in other words, Jeff Jarrett heat.
• Eric Young on the other hand, is hilarious. This match was pure comedy, and made no sense, seeing as how Young was 'fired' last week. But it was short, so it was inoffensive.
• The crowd was really into the 'Don't Fire Eric' chants. Now they just need to get Eric a new gimmick.

Jim Cornette Interview

• This is the other major problem with the show - the sound.
• I couldn't hear a word Cornette had to say. I guess he had laryngitis, but the sound was awful.
• Angle appeared, and got a pretty good reaction. Then he said a bunch of things that we couldn't hear.
• Evidently he said something that called out Joe, because Joe ran out.
• Then I think they fought or something. But because it was on the floor at ringside, we couldn't see anything. So, no sound, and no video. And because TNA wasn't putting the show on the video screens, it was pointless. So we just sat there with our thumbs up our asses.
• Then they fought on the ramp. We could see that, so a pretty good 'Let Them Fight' chant got going. Sadly, they did not heed our advice.

Chris Sabin Vs Senshi for the X-Division Title

• If I am locked in a coffin and slowly starved to death, but was shown this match over and over again while I died, I would die happy.
• This more than atones for the Jackass crap we've been forced to endure lately.
• I could go on, but suffice it to say, this match was more than deserving of the 'This Is Awesome' chant it elicitied. That chant also made me glad to see that the crowd wasn't just into the violent brawls.

Rhino v Christian Cage in an Eight Mile Street Fight

• Bad. Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad.
• The match started outside. Not a good sign. They did show this on the big screens, but the cameras weren't equipped with lights, making the footage as useful as a Tony Snow press conference.
• There was a lame bit where Rhino drove the Zamboni part way into the arena, with Christian on the hood. If you're going to rip off Steve Austin gimmicks, at least do them right.
• The brawl then took place at a recreation of Eight Mile E. Which consisted of some fake street signs and some plastic street light Christmas decorations. It was so authentic, I thought I was on the real Eight Mile.
• The only cool spot was Christian Cage putting Rhino in a straitjacket. But once Rhino fought back, the ref helped Rhino out. WTF? At least have a plant in the crowd do it.
• Bad.

AJ Styles/Christopher Daniels Vs LAX in Six Sides of Steel for the NWA Tag Team Titles

• Once again, Styles and Daniels prove why they are the best things in wrestling today.
• And 'Cide proved why he belongs in the ring with them.
• And Hernandez proved he deserves the opportunity.
• And Konnan proved he is a great mouthpiece/manager.
• GHETTO FORK!
• This match is in a dead heat with the Sabin/Senshi match for Match of the Night. Crazy spots, non-stop action, and tequila as a weapon. This match had it all.
• Including the coat hanger!
• The Gringo/Cop Killa is the sickest move in wrestling today. And the fluidity with which Homicide applies it makes it even better.

Sting Vs Jeff Jarrett with Special Enforcer Kurt Angle, NWA Heavyweight Championship Vs Career

• I think I fell aslep during JJJ's entrance.
• This match was boring, and I had no interest in watching it. I hate Jarrett, but I also didn't want Sting to win. For me, the best-case scenario was for Russo to run in, and the three of them to fight over the belt, only to have the lighting grid collapse, killing JJJ and Russo, and ending Sting's career. Sadly, that didn't happen.
• Angle making himself the referee by Angle slamming the ref made little to no sense. But then again, ref logic wasn't a continuing theme of the show.
• When Sting won, some people were excited, but not enough to justify putting the belt on him. Sting should be helping to build new guys, not winning titles from a sack of crap like JJJ, who has no business being anywhere near a title belt of any kind.
• The guy in front of me had a sign that said 'Jeff Jarrett + Sting = WCW' That says it all right there.

Overall Thoughts

• Some technical difficulties really hurt this show. Well that, and a main event that had all the appeal of a syphillitic leprous crack whore. The undercard was strong, and for the most part really delivered. Hopefully TNA management gets a clue and takes JJJ out of the main event picture.
• Or ideally, out of the picture altogether.
• They need new LAX shirts. I'm happy with the "Joe's Gonna Kill You" shirt I got. And my roomie likes the Angle shirt I got him. But I think a shirt with "You Can Stop A Revolutionary...But You Can't Stop A Revolution" shirt would be killer.
  
• I've been to WWE PPVs, TV and house shows. I've been to indy shows. And now I've been to a TNA PPV. The production values aren't up to WWE standards yet, but they deliver a better in-ring product. Which, when you get right down to it, is more important.

TUF 4.10

I've added some links in the sidebar. Of note is Matt Serra's TUF4 blog...it's quite interesting to get Serra's point of view on the episodes after they've aired.

Also check out Dave Zirin, one of the few liberal minded sports writers out there.

Okay, on with the show, this is it.

Main Points

• Matt Serra goes off on Marc Laimon for Laimon's perceived lack of respect for the Gracie's. Matt Hughes sits to the side and eggs them both on. Serra says that Laimon should just keep his mouth shut, since Laimon never actually fights. Laimon says he can say whatever he wants because he has 'freedom of speech.'
• Din congratulates Serra on calling Laimon out and laying a verbal beating on him.
• Shonie is now spraypainting furniture. Okay Shonie, simple spray paint advice. 1) Use a drop cloth. 2) Get things you don't want to paint out of the room. 3) OPEN A WINDOW!!! Seriously, the guy had fans going, but the blinds were closed. I don't care if the windows behind them were open, it's not that effective when the venetian blinds are covering the windows.
• Tired of Shonie's antics, Rich Clementi and Jorge Rivera come up with "Phonie" Carter. 'Phonie' is Jorge in a clown wig, red rubber nose, and clown shoes. And, of course, a banana hammock. Mikey Burnett and Jorge perform a re-enactment of Shonie/Serra I, complete with spinning back fist o' doom.
• Shonie asks Rich Clementi to be his cornerman. Serra has GSP.
• Serra talks about how much he wanted this fight, and how he thought it would never happen, due to Shonie's moving up a weight class, and his (Serra's) moving down.
• The night before the fight, Shonie and Serra chat on the patio. They comment on the fact that its been six years since that first fight. It's actually quite touching and gives a sense of the odd friendships that are formed in MMA. Shonie says he wants ice cream.
• The fight starts around the half hour mark. Hmm, I wonder how long this fight will be? Oooh, the anticipation.
• First round sees Serra dominate on the ground, getting Shonie's back a few times, but Shonie is always able to escape and stand back up. At one point raining down punches like played for Miami and Shonie was FIU. With about 30 seconds left, Shonie nails a spinning back fist that rocks Serra.
• Second round has more of the same, with Serra taking Shonie to the ground, only to see Shonie escape. Things are more evenly matched when standing, with both guys throwing some good punches. You can tell Shonie is starting to get a little gassed.
• Third round is another good round, with both fighters playing to their strengths.
• Serra wins the decision, but we have no idea how the judges called it. I would say 30-27, but I can see some judges giving Shonie the first based on his comeback at the end. Or Cecil Peoples could have decided it was 10-8 because he just makes up the fight in his head.

The Good

• Serra ripped Laimon a new one. Also interesting is the revelation on his blog that "all of this happened the night before the incident with Matt Hughes and GSP in the restaurant. Tricky editing, as usual, would lead you to believe that this was after the semifinal matchups had been decided." That's one of the best things about Serra's blog...his information about the way the show has been edited to take things out of context.
• A good fight. I think Shonie showed himself to be much better than people expected, and Serra showed why he is dangerous.
• The whole 'Phonie' Carter thing was hilarious. And NO VANDALISM!!! Even better was Jorge's talking about Shonie not seeing this until he's at home with his friends. I'm not saying I want Shonie to be humiliated in front of his family, but I think the fact that Shonie may have had no idea this was coming when watching last night is great.
• Serra on Laimon - "You're a swimming coach who never gets in the pool." - Brilliant
• All three rounds went five minutes this time! Congratulations Nevada State Athletic Commission, your timekeeper was competent enough to tell time!
  

The Bad

• Marc Laimon's backing up his comments by saying he was in a free country is pathetic. Yes, you (sort of, not really, kinda don't) have 'freedom of speech' in the United States. But if that's the only justification you can offer for saying what you say, then what you say isn't very valuable. The "Freedom of Speech" is not justification for saying something, it's a means of ensuring that something important can and will get said. The National Enquirer can claim 'freedom of speech' for their garbage, but it doesn't mean that anybody should pay attention to it. Bob Woodward can claim "Freedom of Speech" to ensure that his latest book gets published, because he's saying something important. He's not hiding behind 'freedom of speech' so he can spout off a bunch of nonsense. Thats what people Ann Coulter and Marc Laimon do.

The Ugly

• Matt Hughes is a pathetic, sneaky little crapweasel. Sitting there egging Laimon and Serra on. And I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Laimon was sucking up to Hughes so hard that he actually formed a vacuum seal on Hughes' sphincter. Not that a good old country boy like Hughes would like that sort of thing, either literally or figuratively. I mean, guys like that you drag behind your truck and string up on a fence to die. It's how good god-fearin' folk deal with that kinda thing.
  

The Welterweight Finale is set. Matt Serra v Chris Lytle. November 11. Aka Remembrance Day in Canada. Maybe that means our buddy James will remember to mark the date on both his calendars and actually come watch the show.

Next week, Pete Sell vs Travis Lutter. Still no word on whether Sell drops "I must break you." Maybe he's saving it for the finale.

Finally, I know there was no way to mention this on the show, but I'm loving the fact that the Middleweight winner won't be facing Rich Franklin. Congratulations to Anderson Silva for beating Franklin like a Leben. And especially on busting up Rich's pretty boy nose. Seriously though, Silva looked great, but I'm sure Franklin is going to come back strong. Not necessarily take his title back, but he's not done by any stretch of the imagination.

TUF 4.9

I would just like to point out my predictions for the semi-final fights announced in this episode.

4 for 4 baby. Granted, I got at least one winner wrong, but at least I know how to deliver the drama baby!

Now give me Dana's job. And Tito's girlfriend.

Major Points

• With Cote's defeat of Jorge, we are now on to the semi-finals.
• Matt Hughes arrives at the gym, sans Dana announcement. More man hugs.
• GSP, who at the time the show was taped was preparing for a fight with Hughes, is somewhat perturbed. GSP leaves the gym, to ensure that he and Hughes keep a comfortable distance from one another.
• Dana & the boys interview the semi-finalists regarding who they want to fight this round. The middleweights go first.
• Lutter doesn't care.
• Cote wants Bam Bam.
• Bam Bam wants Cote.
• Drago wants Lutter. Drago is questioned on this, as he says he wants to fight Cote in the finals, and he knows that Lutter will be a tougher fight. Hughes is particularly dubious, but that could be because this was his week for the camera love.
• Dana announces the fights: Cote v Bam Bam, and Drago v. Lutter. But if you were read my recap last week, you'd know that I called those.
• Dana also tells the fighters that in addition to the $100,000 "cash," the fighters will also be receiving a 1 year, $100,000 sponsorship with Xyience. And a title shot. Which Dana says will be against Rich Franklin, indicating either the fix is in this Saturday, or Dana hadn't planned on Franklin having a title fight before facing the winner of TUF4.
• The welterweights are then given their interviews.
• Serra wants Shonie.
• Din wants Lytle.
• Shonie gives a speech about peasants and kings, and says he wants Din, because he's already beaten Serra and Lytle.
• Lytle doesn't much care.
• Dana tells the welterweights about their year's servitude to Xyience should they win, and announces the welterweight fights: Serra v Shonie, and Din v Lytle.
• Din v Lytle is up tonight.
• Dana says this is the first time he's been unable to pick a winner.
• The fight goes a full three rounds, with Lytle in Din's guard for much of the fight. When they stand up, Din gets some good shots in, but doesn't capitalize and press the advantage. And when Din is on his back, he doesn't try very hard to either reverse, or take control.
• Lytle wins a unanimous decision. I said I picked the fights correctly. I said nothing about picking the winner of those fights correctly.
• Next week is Shonie v Serra.

The Good

• I'm going to commend myself again on calling all the upcoming fights.
• I think the fights give the best possibility for a good finale. Which is why I picked them, and I'm sure why Dana the "Jedi council" picked them.
• GSP showed class, poise, and grace in handling the intrusion of Matt Hughes on the training camp. He didn't do it because he was afraid, but because he wanted to maintain a certain mindset regarding Hughes. I think he made the right call, and he did it the right way.
  
• It was also funny seeing Cote call GSP on not wanting to be at the gym as the same time as Hughes.
  
• Shonie's suit at the fight announcements was styling.
  
• GSP's blinged out hat is also very pimp. If I'm GSP, I'm either saving it forever, or auctioning it for the Ryan Bennett Memorial Fund.
  

The Bad

• Doesn't everybody in UFC have a de facto sponsorship deal with Xyience?
• Din v Lytle wasn't a bad fight. But it seemed that they were both more interested in not losing, than they were with winning. Nobody really pressed the advantage, and the ref stood them up more times than Lex did to Dean.
• Shonie man. First of all, the beard. Not working baby. And your speech to the "Jedi Council?" Lamer than half of Jean Chretien's face.
• Somebody please explain to Matt that the finale will be live, and will be taking place months after the semi-final matches. If somebody gets injured during a semi-final fight, they have a very good chance to make it to the finals sans injury. So Drago's choice of Lutter almost makes more sense, because, should Drago advance, he has a much better chance of ensuring he is prepared for an opponent he stands a better chance of fighting.
• Okay, in the first round, the countdown clock went to 0:00, with all the numbers red. And they kept fighting. According to Dana, the timekeeper made a mistake. Okay? Let me get this straight. The TIMEKEEPER, who has been appointed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission on the basis of his ability to TELL TIME, wasn't able to do his job. With digital clocks and timers, how on earth is it possible to screw this job up? And what does that say about the Nevada State Athletic Commission? I mean, they've already proven incapable of hiring competent judges, but at least that job is somewhat subjective. But this is telling time. The kind of thing you need to master before they let you leave the comfy confines of Kindergarten! If either of the fighters had been KO'd or submitted in that extra minute, would they have had a legal foundation to challenge the results of the fight? This would have been ugly, but there was worse this episode.
  

The Ugly

• Matt Hughes is an ugly, ugly man. And I don't mean physically. He is a bully, a racist, and an arrogant jerk. He represents everything ugly and wrong with the world of sports. Whereas GSP chose to leave the gym with dignity, Hughes used the opportunity to try to embarass his pending opponent. They may try to portray Hughes as a good down home country boy, but they need to understand that the underside of that social type is intolerance, arrogance and unnecessary aggression. All of which Hughes has in droves.

Next Week

Serra v Shonie 2: Revenge of the Spinning Back Fist

Ortiz Shamrock 3 - This Time, It Continues To Be Personal

Tonight is the long anticipated Ortiz-Shamrock rematch. Well, not really long-awaited, given that most people actually saw Ortiz whup Shamrock's ass a few months ago on PPV. But since that fight ended somewhat controversially, I guess its a highly anticipated fight. Kinda, sorta, not really. Its really more of a sideshow curiosity, to see how quickly and how bad Ortiz disposes of Shamrock this time around.

What this match really is is a way for UFC to get a high profile fight on quasi-free television. Because you can only see it if you have cable, which some people don't. So its not really on free tv. But its not PPV, which is something. Dana has even admitted in the commercials for the event that the match is being given away for free as a way of making up for the less than satisfying ending to their last fight. And while this is all well and good, I think it also poses a problem for the UFC.

I was watching the TUF4 marathon yesterday on Spike TV, and shockingly, there were quite a few ads for tonight's show. The ads stressed the animosity between the two men, replete with footage of the two men arguing and in pull aparts. The other thing stressed by the ads was that the fight was available "FOR FREE." And while its all well and good to make sure people know that this fight is on Spike TV and not PPV, I think the emphasis on FREE can be dangerous.

If people are told over and over again that the fight is available for FREE, it will raise questions about the value of paying for fights on PPV. And UFC's PPV rates are too high, particularly for a company that doesn't even wait a month between events. By stressing the FREE nature of tonight's fight, people may begin to ask why they are paying $39.99 for a UFC event. If one of the selling points for the fight is that it's FREE, then it must mean that even UFC knows that their prices are close to becoming prohibitive.

Pitching the fight as FREE brings the notion of cost to the foreground of any discussion of UFC. While it is certainly honest for them to be bragging about giving the fight away for free, it probably isn't the best business decision. Particularly when this weekend's UFC 64 card isn't the strongest they've presented. Why should I pay forty bucks for a PPV when a big name fight like Shamrock/Ortiz III is being given away for free on cable television? The last thing the UFC needs right now is for people to be questioning the cumulative costs of ordering all UFC events on PPV. Particularly when you consider the highly ambitious number of events that the UFC is looking at putting on in the coming year.

Of course, the other problem is that anything on television isn't actually FREE. Instead, the audience is being sold to advertisers in exchange for their attention. The viewing habits, demographics, psychographics and purchasing power of viewers are the commodity they are exchanging for the privilege of watching television. Particularly when you consider that the card is being presented as a lead-in to Spike TV's Scream Awards, and they want a large audience to watch that show. This is all part of Dallas Smythe's "Free Lunch" formulation.

But enough of that depressing polecon stuff. Fight Predictions!!!

• Tito Ortiz (203.5) vs Ken Shamrock (204.5)
• Kendall Grove (184.5) vs Chris Price (185)
• Jason MacDonald (185) vs Ed Herman (186)
• Matt Hamill (205) vs Seth Petruzelli (203.5)
• Nate Marquardt (184.5) vs Crafton Wallace (175.5)
• Dustin Hazelett (167.5) vs Tony DeSouza (171)
• Josh Haynes (184.5) vs Rory Singer (185.5)
• John Alessio (169.5) vs Thiago Alves (171)
• Marcus Davis (170) vs Forrest Petz (169.5)

All in all, this entire card is built around Ortiz/Shamrock. Which is fine. But don't tell me its FREE.

Canadian Thanksgiving

This weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada. Which ties in neatly with the U.S.' Columbus Day, and also saves Canada from having to give us another holiday between now and Christmas. Thanks Canada! You won't let us watch good tv, but at least you'll ensure we burn out faster! Fuckers.

Anway, I like to listen to this every Thanksgiving. Really reminds me of what is important in the world today. (Right click to save mp3 file.)

"To John Dillinger and hope he is still alive.
Thanksgiving Day November 28 1986"

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shat out through wholesome American guts.

Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving thecarcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream,
To vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen,feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women,with their mean, pinched, bitter,evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer forChrist" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind their own business.
Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the memories-- all right let's see your arms!

You always were a headache andyou always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.
- William S. Burroughs

Here's video of the man himself reading his poem.

TUF 4.8

Tonight, the last of the preliminary rounds, with Canadian Patrick Cote facing Jorge Rivera. Of course, this deprives us of the drama that ensues when a fight is announced.

Major Points

• Shonie decides he doesn't want to play with Team Mojo any longer, and goes to train with Team No Love. This angers TNL, and TM. What is even more odd is that Team No Love wasn't able to figure out how to close the van door to prevent Shonie from getting in the van.
• As a result of Shonie's new training schedule, TNL stays to watch TM train. Serra has to explain to Shonie that the universe doesn't revolve around Shonie, and, in civilized society, people have to make concessions to one another to prevent anarchy and chaos. Actually, he tells Shonie that he should keep training with TM. Shonie acquiesces. Methinks a producer got in Shonie's ear and told him to get in the TNL van.
• Back at the house, Jorge tells Serra of Shonie's lack of team spirit. This angers Serra (Serra SMASH!), who now wants to fight Shonie.
• Odd. The week of the final preliminary fight and the team dynamic starts to break down. Especially when you consider TM pretty much ran the table on TNL, with the exception of Lutter, and of course, the as of yet undetermined final victor.
• GSP is training with Cote. GSP discusses being Cote's training partner outside the simulacratastic world of TUF.
• Jorge trains with Mark Dellagrotte, who is Jorge's trainer in reality. Curiouser and curiouser.
• Dana makes subtle snide comments about the guys not training with Rich 'One-Knee' Franklin. He also mentions how people thought Franklin was a doodyhead.
• Dana then introduces this week's special guest trainer, Chuck Liddell. Man-hugs all around. Chuck tears down gender constructions by showing off his painted toenails. Go ahead, YOU tell him only girls do it.
• We get Cote's UFC background. 0-3. But his first fight he was fed to Tito with four days notice. His second was a loss to Joe Doerkson. And his third was a split decision loss to Chris Leben, who was fresh off of being the drunken, destructive crybabyface of TUF1, and UFC was trying to build him up a bit. So I put Cote at 0-1.*
• Then we get Jorge's record. He's 2-3. Notables include a victory over David 'The Crow' Loiseau, and a loss to the 'Fatherless Bastard' himself, Chris Leben.
• The fight goes the full two rounds. Jorge was on top as the first round began, but Cote connected with a kick to the head that turned things around. From there, Cote was in half guard, but unable to knock Jorge out. The second round is more of the same, with Jorge getting Cote's back and going for a guillotine, only to see Cote escape. The judges give Cote the fight.
• Next week, Matt Hughes shows up. Serra isn't happy. And the implosion of Team Mojo begins as the second round of fights are announced.

The Good

• Team Mojo's 'Cote, Cote' chant is hilarious. It embraces my love of Samoa Joe, my academic curiousity regarding ritualistic chants, and my ambivalence towards soccer.
• I liked seeing Chuck doing some training with Serra. That punch is ugly, but could probably do some damage if it connected.

The Bad

• Shonie's decision to train with Team No Love seemed really random. And his acquiescence to Serra seemed even more random. But hey, it provided some drama for the first ten minutes of the show.
• Do you ever get the feeling Dana enjoys being on TV a little too much? He reminds me more and more of Vince McMahon everyday.
• Okay, these guys have Randy Couture and GSP at the gym with them. Why do they feel the need to bring in special guest trainers? Could it be because of the two trainers they assigned to this season, one has the personality of oatmeal, and the other makes you wish you were listening to Jean Chretien?

The Ugly
Seriously Cote, those ears are nasty.

Fighters Advancing to the Next Round
Matt Serra - 170
Shonie Carter - 170
Din Thomas - 170
Chris Lytle - 170
Edwin Dewees - 185
Patrick Cote - 185
Travis Lutter - 185
Pete Sell - 185

My predictions for who will be fighting in the next round, and who will win those matchups:
185 lbs.

• Edwin Dewees v Patrick Cote - Cote
• Travis Lutter v Pete Sell - Sell

170 lbs.

• Matt Serra v Shonie Carter - Serra
• Din Thomas v Chris Lytle - Thomas

I figure they will go with the fights that will deliver the best possible fights on the finale, rather than the most dramatic. I'm sure they want to guarantee a Shonie vs Serra fight, and while I know they would love to have it on the finale, I doubt they'll count on Shonie making it past anyone else, particularly without the help of Team Mojo.

I'm torn on the 185 pounders, with my nationalist streak cheering for Cote, the closest thing to a Canadian on the show. But Dewees impressed me with his shower of blood, and Drago was also impressive. And Lutter doesn't suck. But I think the above fights give them the best chances of a good fight on the finale.

Either way, next week should be a good week.
Monday: Thanksgiving
Tuesday: Ortiz v Shamrock III
Wednesday: Lost
Thursday: TUF 4.9, The Next Round
Friday: I dunno, but its Friday. Maybe a third good ECW show in a row?
Saturday: UFC 64 - Franklin loses his belt to Anderson Silva in the second round







*Note, the records recorded by Stephen Swain are not official, and in no way reflect anything resembling objectivity or scientific method. They are purely arbitrary and designed to reflect Swain's desire to right injustices.