Raw? More Like, Um, I Got Nothing...

Which qualifies me for a position with WWE creative! Yay me!

I haven't watched Monday Night Raw in a while, partly because my roommate prefers CSI: Miami, and partly because WWE hasn't been particularly compelling, and partly because I had about as much interest in a D-X reunion as I do in the impending Genesis reunion.*

But last night I decided to watch Raw, seeing as how I had little to no interest in the Seahawks/Raiders Monday Night Football game. Although I am upset I missed the Play of the Day.

Now I wish I had chosen option B, which was to re-enact the optic nerve scene from Hostel, while listening to Barry Manilow, and wearing lederhosen.

Last night's show was everything wrong with WWE today, all neatly packaged in two hours and ten minutes. Moronic stipulations, bad matches, offensive stereotypes, misogyny, homophobia, and piss poor acting. By about halfway through the show, I actually started missing David Caruso's wooden delivery.

If you want a recap of the show, check out Todd Martin's recap here. Or you can check out Jamie Pennick's Talking Points. Although perhaps the best analysis of the show comes from John Pollock of Live Audio Wrestling, who wrote that " *There is no truth to the rumor that Vince Russo booked last night’s edition of “Raw”."

There was absolutely nothing good on that show. If WWE is trying to drive away what little audience they have left, this is the type of show that will accomplish that goal.

When this is the last image you have as the show goes off the air, you need to take a step back and examine what direction the show is taking.

People don't want fat faux male strippers.

People don't want to see Eric Bischoff's face in those stripper's buttocks.

People don't want meaningless stipulations.

People don't want 40 year old men pretending to be 30 year old men pretending to be 20 year old punks.

People don't want to see 50 year old men beating 25 year old men who are supposed to be the future of the company.

People don't want to see a guy pretending to mentally challenged beating up an old man with pieces of wood.

I will admit that there is probably some interest in seeing K-Fed get beaten up by a guy pretending to an actor and rapper. But what does it say about the WWE today when the number one heel in the company is a guy who is famous for being married to Britney Spears, who is quickly on her way to the title of Dana Plato for the next millennium. But will this interest drive up buyrates or ratings? Doubtful.

I'm just surprised they didn't find a way to talk about Eddie Guerrero being dead on the show. But then again, next week is the first anniversary of Eddie's death, so I'm sure Chavo and Vicki Guerrero will dig up Eddie's corpse, so Triple H can skull fuck it, Batista can piss on it, and Shawn Michaels can bury it, since he never got the chance to do so before Eddie died.






* Just a note, Genesis stopped being relevant when Peter Gabriel left and Phil Collins took over.