This week's crier is Cole Miller, who ran to the locker room to cry after defeating Berube. Something about achieving his dreams, being a UFC fighter ahead of schedule. Strange, I remember Danny being somewhat derided for calling himself an Ultimate Fighter in Season 3. But I'm sure it has nothing to do with Cole being whiter than a sheet, and Danny being not that.
Cole is also given a "championship belt" that looks like it would be rejected by a backyard fed.
Evidently Dana didn't want to spend money on a second house, because Monster returns to the house to continue to train with his team, and to fill in should someone be injured. It is at this point that the show gets interesting, as there seems to be some heat between Gabe "20 lbs" Ruediger and Matt Wiman. The twist? They're on the same team! Oh what a crazy scenario. The only problem is that there doesn't really seem to be any justification for the "hatred." Instead, one guy just says he doesn't like the other guy, and the other guy concurs.
We head to the gym for the fight selection. Team Pulver has the pick, but Penn tries to shift things in his favour by having Rob Emerson call Corey Hill out, hoping that this will cause Hill to choose Emerson. Pulver sees through this Machiavellian ruse, and Team Pulver's Manny Gamburyan picks Team Penn's Noah Thomas.
Here's what you need to know about the fighters. Noah is/was a Marine. Manny is Karo Parisyan's cousin, and hasn't fought in two years because of a shoulder injury.
Back at the house, some of the boys are chilling in the backyard when they see some women on horseback riding by. They invite the women up to the house, then go to the front door. Just in time to see the horse wipe out on the driveway, after being unable to find traction.
I almost felt bad during this segment. I'm not a big fan of horses. I actually kind of hate the things. (They're too big to be considered friendly animals. Basically, I feel about horses the way Stephen Colbert feels about bears.) The horse is lying on the driveway, and I thought for sure its leg was broken. Luckily for the horse it wasn't, and some of the boys bring out a rug to give the horse some traction. Crisis averted, the horse, and the attractive equestriennes are on their way.
Team Penn is on the way to the gym, and Reudiger and Wiman continue to bicker. Joe Lauzon informs us that they are going to BJ with this, as the infighting is an unwanted distraction. The tension carries over to the training centre, and BJ gathers the group together to try and smooth things out. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Nothing is resolved. Penn says that if this continues, he'll just tell Reudiger and Wiman to not come to the gym.
Back at the house, Team Penn has some free time. And, as with seasons past, this always results in good times. First, the boys find a shield, and discover that the tiki torches in the backyard make good spears. They intend to play a game of "deflect the pointed object with the decorative piece of metal." Luckily, someone decides to practice with a ball. The result? Bangkok! The game is cancelled.
Then, someone finds a marker. First, a bunch of pro-military grafitti is posted. Basically, picture a post-fight troop shoutout in written form, and you'll find it on the walls. Then, someone decides to write "Team Pulver suck it!" on the wall.
Naturally, this D-Xian scribble leads to the type of homophobic hypermasculine antics that have pervaded previous seasons. Nick Diaz sees it, and challenges the author to fight right then and there. Others follow suit, and soon scribbler Rob Emerson is apologizing, and trying to calm the situation down, while guys like Gabe Reudiger try to stir things up more. At this time I was thankfully distracted by a phone call, and had to miss most of the stupidity.
Before the fight, we discover that Manny hates Noah. Why? Umm, well, yeah, um...Dear God, whats that over there?!
It's inside 8:50, so the fight will be a short one.
Manny pwns Noah. Manny rocks Noah in standup, then takes Noah down. About halfway through the first round, Manny locks in a kimura, and Noah wisely taps.
The Good
- Umm, I guess its good the horse didn't die. I guess?
- Manny looked impressive.
The Bad
- Matt Wiman is getting a raw deal. First Gabe makes him the object of his "hatred" for not apparent reason, then he is forced to be the lone voice of reason during "MarkerGate." I guess its good because it gets Matt some face time without having to act like an idiot, but I kinda feel bad for the guy.
The Ugly
- The over the top histrionics from these children was pathetic. From Nick Diaz's challenging everyone to fight, to Manny's challenging everyone to fight, to Brandon Melendez's challenging everyone to fight, to the simple act of writing crap on the walls, Matt Wiman summed it up best, calling it a "sad day for all humans." Truly pathetic.
- Gabe Reudiger needs to go. NOW. Why Team Pulver didn't pick him to fight is beyond me. He won't be able to make weight, and he'll be sent packing. Then he'll have to shut up, because everything he says will be tainted with the stench of failure that surrounds him. He's overweight, and about as popular as a Gazette editor at, well, just about anywhere intelligent reasonable individuals gather. So pick him, weigh him, and ship him home. The world, or at least the show, will be a better place for it.
Next week: Gabe Rutabaga gets a colonic to help lose weight. Well, he is full of shit. I'm sure that joke will be made numerous times next week. Plus, it will allow them to make all sorts of oh so clever anal insertion homophobic comments. Delightful.
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