TUF 5.4

Well, after a great fight last week, what will TUF offer us this week? Another great fight? A one minute squash? Only time will tell.

The show starts with a recap of last week's fight, including mention being made of the fact that Rob Emerson earned people's respect in a losing effort in his fight. This is absolutely true, and I think Emerson, much like Ross Pointon from TUF3 are the kinds of guys that Dana will take care of.

During a Team Pulver training session, Jens calls out Wayne Weems as the weak link on the team. The kid looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

During a Team Penn session, Gabe Rutabaga tells BJ that he thinks that he should be the guy to fight Wayne Weems. Gabe seems oblivious to the fact that:

1. Team Penn needs to win a fight before they can make the match
2. He is still twenty pounds overweight, and won't be fighting anybody if he can't shed his excess baggage.
3. Gabe has done nothing to earn BJ's help, let alone his respect. If Team Penn DOES win a fight, and CAN pick their own fight, what has Rutabaga done to earn the 'gimme' match?
4. There is no such thing as a 'gimme' match in UFC these days. Just ask Mirko Cro Cop.
5. Matt Wiman, Rutabaga's nemesis, heard this exchange.

Back at the house, Wiman calls Rutabaga on being a sneaky little crap weasel. He doesn't use that exact phrase, but he should have. It's a good one. Try to work it into conversation this week.

In Pulverland, Jens dresses down Brandon Melendez, who, in addition to suffering from a case of the Rutabaga's, and is carrying around some extra poundage, is also nursing a sore foot, which is keeping him out of practice. Jens thinks Brandon is being a bit of a baby, particularly since Brandon wants to fight next. He tells Brandon that if he can't get down to 160 lbs by the time they announce the fight, Brandon won't get the call. Reasonable decision.

Time for the most entertaining part of this evening's episode. The Adventures of Mr. Indestructible.

Remember last week when I asked 'Who the hell is Marlon Sims?' Well, evidently he's the greatest street fighter since Ken beat Ryu. Hell, motherfucker took down Blanka and Major Bison in a two on one.

Marlon regales his housemates with tales of his street-fighting adventures, which all somehow saw Marlon emerging victorious, no matter the odds. In case you missed it, here's a description. You know that friend who is so desperate for attention and affection that he will make up the wildest, most ridiculous stories, despite the fact that nobody in their right mind could possibly believe them? Yeah, that guy is Marlon.

Rutabaga earns a modicum of respect from me when he calls 'shenanigans' on Marlon's stories.

It's fight announcement time, and evidently Brandon is at 160 lbs, because he gets to call the fight. He calls out Andy Wang, aka the Asian guy who has done nothing to earn any face time.

We get a bunch of stuff about how Andy learned martial arts from his grandfather, interspersed with the kind of random motivational cliches that you find in the offices of companies that offer poor benefits and little job satisfaction.

At the weigh-in, Brandon shocks the world by making weight. He also impresses 55% of the world's population by wearing a banana hammock. The other 45% collectively exclaim, "Man, I did NOT need to see that!"
Andy also makes weight.

Having made weight, Brandon is eating lots of food at home.

At the gym, Team Pulver shows up to find Matt Hughes cleaning the mats. He's there to help train Jens' team. Evidently Jens and Matt are 'family.' My respect for Jens Pulver just plummeted.

The fight starts at 10:40. I'm anxiously anticipating a one-minute KO.

For the first round, Andy decides to throw punches with Brandon. BJ implores Andy to take Brandon down. Andy ignores this. Brandon hits Andy a lot. Andy...not so much.

At the intermission, BJ tells Andy to stop standing and take Brandon down.

When the second round begins, we learn that Andy has decided not to take BJ's advice. Brandon hits Andy for another five minutes.

Brandon wins.

Andy cries. A lot. I'm not talking that acceptable kind of crying. I'm talking snot bubble sobbing. And yet, at the same time, Andy is declaring himself to be a 'warrior.'

BJ doesn't offer his usual condolences. Probably because Andy is a tool who made BJ look like a jackass, and cost Team Penn another fight.

The Good

• Rutabaga was not the biggest jackass in the house this week. Instead, that honour is split between Andy and Marlon. Congratulations Gabe.

The Bad

• How can someone like Jens, who seems like a decent human being, be tight with someone like Matt Hughes, who doesn't? I have to reconsider my respect for Jens.
• Last week's fight was two guys going all out to win, trying to win the fight, and trying to prove themselves. This week's fight was two guys fighting not to lose, trying just to survive another week, and make it to the big television finale. Guess which fight was better?

The Ugly

• I'm not sure what was worse: Andy sobbing after losing a fight, or the producers showing it. Andy is done. Not only will he have no respect in the house, I don't think he'll have any respect in MMA.

Next week. Actually, the preview for the next episode gave pretty much everything away. Tony DeSousa beats up Noah in practice, Corey challenges Rutabaga, and Rutabaga might die trying to cut weight.