SNME. Alas, the theme song was not Animotion's "My Obsession", a portent of a lack of quality Saturday night wrestling. Instead, we got that "Here Comes the Boom" song by [insert generic rock band name here]. We were also treated to some promos from Vince & Shane, Shawn, HHH & Cena, JBL and the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman was the most entertaining, but only because he's so over-the-top ridiculous. The worms are freaky, but I think that just makes the guy totally method.
I've gotta say, for the first half or so of the show, it was great to hear JR's voice again. Then his voice started doing that half-tone higher thing, and I wanted to hear Joey Styles again. If they would just let Styles go out there with a decent colour guy, he would be awesome. But then again, thats not what Vince wants. He wants a trained monkey who will repeat his verbal diarrhea on the air. JR got tired of being that guy, and Joey Styles isn't that guy. But the fans crap all over the guys like Coach and Todd Grisham who do excel at that. Does that tell you something Vince? The guys who DON'T fit your idea of a good announcer are embraced by the fans, and the guys who excel at announcing in YOUR way are rejected like a mismatched organ transplant. Hmmm, I think there's a lesson there.
The Raw/Smackdown main event was first, which was surprising. From the moment this match was announced, there was something that bothered me. As I watched, it finally dawned on me. There was no justification for the match. From a storyline perspective, the match helped to add to the rivalry and tension between the partners/soon to be foes. But why did Raw & Smackdown want to beat the other side? All there was was Vince's decision that the two teams fight. There was nothing at stake, no reason for the wrestlers, and by extension the fans, to care. Tazz and Lawler tried to play it off like they were fighting for the honour of their brand, but thats even weaker than saying that Olympic hockey players are somehow representing their nation as a whole.
This match needed some reason for it to exist. Vince should have declared that the winning team would have their match be the main event at Mania, and, therefore, would give them prestige and a bigger cut of the purse. This would provide some explanation as to why these guys would even bother trying. Then, when HHH turned on Cena, it could be an example that all he cares about is winning the title, and factors like card position and purse money are secondary. But I guess that makes too much sense.
The match did, once again, try to make the fans love Cena and hate HHH. By having Cena refuse to take advantage of Rey, Cena was supposed to come across as an honourable man, determined to win cleanly, and not stoop to HHH's level. Which makes sense. Except that he's supposed to be a THUG! His whole gimmick is predicated on him being all street and tough. A thug WOULD take advantage of Rey. A white-bread suburban babyface would not, because he still believes in the power of prayer, training and vitamins. Guess which one Cena is? Guess which one the fans hate?
As for the Smackdown guys, they were an afterthought. We know they don't trust Orton, but they needed to tease some Rey/Angle mistrust to add that dimension to the match. But that would have required the writing staff to think about two different storylines in the same match, and that kind of thing could very well kill them. Or at least cause premature labour.
My final note about this match is what a mistake it was to start off with Cena & Orton. These two guys are, in theory, the future of the company. (And think of the parallels of how both of their rises to power have been horribly botched.) Their meeting should have been played up as a big thing, and even if it had to happen in the match, the commentators should have made a bigger deal of it, rather than starting with the two of them in their at the beginning.
The rest of the show was pretty formulaic. Booker T and Sharmell continue to entertain, and the best was Booker T realizing that there was a camera in his face, and going back to grimacing in pain when leaving Teddy's office. He's gold Jerry! We didn't get to enjoy the technical masterpiece that Booker v Boogeyman promises to be, but all you people who get to see 'Mania can tell me how great it was.
The Edge Foley thing happened. Lita's breasts were the highlight of the segment. I swear, those things are hypnotic. But just a hint Leets? Cut down on the lipstick and eyeshadow. I guess the segment built up the match, but I still don't care. It doesn't help that Foley is being punished for calling Vince on something, but still, Edge should be in a real match. Well, he SHOULD be in the main event against RVD, but barring that, he should be in a match that means something.
JBL was in full cheap heat mode, and I'm pretty sure Austin was drunk. It was really innovative when he drank the beer and then gave JBL a stunner. I'm still trying to figure out why people want this guy to come back, or why they care when he does. I had managed to forget just how annoying What?! was, and then they had to remind me.
Mickie turned on Trish?! Shocking! I mean, I can appreciate that they built up this thing for so long, but I found the turn to be really unsatisfying. It was certainly no Orndorff turning on Hogan. Although Mickie's "Do you love me now Trish?" was really good. I like that they're keeping the creepy stalker thing, and not toning it down to one of those lame, "Trish didn't respect me" kind of thing. I think Mickie should keep trying to force Trish to love her, and if she has to beat her down and take her title, thats what she'll do.
The Undertaker thing, like so much involving either the Undertaker or Mark Henry, was a complete waste of time. When the Undertaker was coming down to the ring, he wasn't doing it that way for dramatic effect. That was him running.
The street fight was better than I expected, until the end. I guess NBC did make some demands regarding bloodshed, so they had to come up with other means of creating shock and awe. Almost killing Shane and Shawn with that ladder/suplex/table spot was one way. Shane's missed Van Terminator was another. (And was I on crack, or did JR actually call it a Van Terminator?) As much as I hate the man (and I plan on writing a lengthy diatribe on just WHY I hate Shawn Michaels in the next little while) I must admit that Michaels is half decent in the ring. It was a pretty good street fight. Until the end.
Vince, I say this with the utmost respect. GET OVER IT!!! Montreal was almost nine years ago. Stop reliving it. And more importantly, stop forcing us to relive it. It is lame. It is weak. It demonstrates that you, and your writing staff, are incapable of coming up with an original ending. I'm sure you want us to believe that, because Bret is coming to Chicago for the induction ceremony, that he'll appear at 'Mania to interfere in your match. But he won't. If he does, I'll order the replay. But you already played the Bret hand for Summerslam, and when we called, you had nothing. So the same bluff isn't going to work this time. The more you remind people of Montreal, the more you remind us that your programming hasn't evolved in almost a decade. Is that really the message you want to send?
I can't wait to see the ratings on Monday. More importantly, I'm interested to see how the ratings went as the show progressed. Did a lot of people tune in, and then change to something better, like NCAA Basketball or The Sixth Sense? Or did the show actually manage to capture people's interest? I doubt it was the latter, but we'll have to wait and see. Of course, even if the show manages a decent number, it still won't matter. Because after all, if 5 million people watched the show, they're 5 million people who would watch wrestling. And who wants to attract that kind of demographic?
No comments:
Post a Comment