Pros Vs Joes

So Spike TV's latest 'reality' offering is Pros vs Joes, a show which features "ordinary Joes" taking on retired "Pro" athletes. Of course, some of these 'Pros' compete in sports without any professional leagues, but I guess 'Pros' rolls off the tongue better than 'Highly Trained Elite Level Competitors'. So I'll forgive them.

I've watched the first two episodes, and they've been fun. Not only because Jennie Finch is quite possibly the hottest woman who isn't Gail Kim, but simply because these 'Pros' can GO! But I think the best part of the show is watching these mouthy, egomaniacal, self-involved, delusional idiots called the 'Joes' get their asses handed to them. Look, I love trash talking. Particularly when its funny, and not simply mean. But the whole point about trash talk is the ability to back it up. If I go to a Raptor game and call a guy out, I look like an idiot, because there is no way in the world I can back it up. But if I call out a guy in the classroom on a theoretical interpretation, I've got a good chance of holding my own. I need to stay in my element.

But the guys on this show...they need to learn to keep their mouths shut. Don't go saying you're on the same level as Jerry Rice or Dennis Rodman, because you're not. I know you're not, you know you're not, and Jerry damn well knows you're not. I don't care if he's retired, every time is Jerry Time. Don't talk about how you can cover him, you can't. Just like you can't D-Up Muggsy or outhit Bo. Just be happy that you're getting a chance to play with the big boys and be happy. Most guys will never have that opportunity

And, yes, I am fully aware that much of what these guys say is being done within the 'reality' tv paradigm, which requires hyperbole, and this kind of empty-headed boasting to give the producers what they want. But damn, you guys look like idiots when it comes out in the end.

The worst guys are the Hank Hill/Ed Bundy types, who seem to be living in their past high school glory, still hanging on to the belief that, if they had been given the opportunity, they could have been superstars. But their knee gave out. Or their coach didn't play them enough at State. Or the scout came to the wrong game. Or their offensive line broke down. Or whatever. Just "boring stories of glory days". You're not a superstar because you weren't good enough. Shut up. To quote Christopher Titus, "It's time to get down off the cross, take the wood, make a bridge, and get over it."

I love watching the mouthy guys get punked out. It makes me laugh.

Of course, with all that being said, I've gotta ask the producers. ROMO!!! You've got a show where you want mouthy guys to trash talk former pro athletes and then compete against them, and one of the guys you bring in is Bill Romanowski? The helmet-swinging, prescription pill stealing ROMO?! Granted, he was pretty funny on the episode I saw, but man, that guy is a freaking powder keg. He's more volatile than a Middle Eastern peace conference. Do you really want to taunt the bear? Man, why not just bring in one of the Steiner Brothers. Or better yet, Bob Holly, and have the players try to outdrive good old Sparky Plugg? If Romo is on subsequent episodes, things could get ugly. And I mean Sarah Jessica Parker ugly. But I'll keep watching. I'm sick like that.