The Road To Wrestlemania Is Fraught With Troubles

With each passing day, the fact that I will be missing Wrestlemania is less and less of a problem for me. Not simply because the matches aren't very appealing, but because the buildup is about as appealing as the thought of Sarah Jessica Parker. Thats it, no scenario. Just the thought of Sarah Jessica Parker.

I kid, I kid. I'm sure Matthew Broderick is a very happy man.

Anyway, back to Wrestlemania.

The buildup for 'Mania has been less than ideal this year. HHH/Cena would be a good buildup, if Cena were the chasing face and HHH were the champion heel. As it is, Cena has been put in a position of weakness from the beginning, and the fact that he is losing fanbase faster than I'm losing hair isn't helping matters.

The Rey/Angle/Orton match was handled poorly from the beginning, and while they seem to have taken a less offensive approach in recent weeks, the fact remains that this match doesn't seem very compelling, and probably won't be very good. Too much emphasis has been placed on non-important players in this buildup, including the Undertaker and Mark Henry, who, despite having their own match, are, for some reason, focal points to the buildup for the Smackdown main event. They should be focusing on building tension between Kurt and Rey, while trying to deal with the ego and threat of Orton. Instead Rey and Kurt are tagging up and Orton is attacking John Cena on Raw.

The most absurd is the upcoming match on the regenesis of Saturday Night's Main Event this week, which will see the three participants from the Smackdown main event take on the two participants from the Raw main event. Somehow, this matchup is supposed to not only encourage us to stay in on Saturday night, but then to buy Wrestlemania as well. Instead, it does neither. I know that the five participants won't get along, and instead of this offering me the prospect of a good match, I know that I'm going to see infighting and some kind of backstabbing. That stuff works when its a SURPRISE, not a foregone conclusion.

The undercard is equally unappealing.

Undertaker/Mark Henry, despite the ever entertaining Casket gimmick will be incredibly dull. An overpaid, plodding locker room liability versus an Olympic washout. They need the casket gimmick to pull people in to the match, because a one-on-one matchup holds absolutely no promise. But the casket match is as lame as Taker himself.

Money In The Bank had potential. But then they put Ric Flair in the match. This past week, my respect for Flair dropped to an all-time low. As Flair provided commentary for the IC Title match, Flair came across as a bitter, egomaniacal, self-involved, intolerant, pathetic old man. But I've read his book, so maybe he wasn't playing a character. I'm waiting to see who Smackdown adds, but Flair adds nothing to this match.

Edge v Foley bores me. I love Foley. He's an icon. He has done more to promote the idea that wrestlers, and wrestling fans, are not necessarily uneducated, inbred morons. And Edge is the best heel on Raw right now. But this match seems like a booby prize, and I'm not just talking Lita.

Chris Benoit vs JBL should actually be okay. And whats really strange is that the buildup has been fairly welldone. Benoit injured JBL's hand, JBL wants revenge, Benoit wants to prove he's tougher. Despite the whole Steve Austin thing, I think this match should be bearable.

Carlito & Chris Masters vs Big Show & Kane should not be taking place. Carlito should be in the Money in the Bank match. I do not want to see this match. I would rather watch Sarah Jessica Parker pose for headshots.

And finally, the real main event, Mr. McMahon versus Shawn Michaels. This match will not be good. Despite Shawn's darling status (and not matter how much other people like his abilities, I would be willing to give up ever seeing another Shawn Michaels' match if it meant he went away, never to return) I don't think he can make this an entertaining match. But even worse has been the buildup. This past Monday saw Vince McMahon turn the impending "Wellness Program" into an angle. In doing so, Vince made light of the actual substance abuse problems being faced by his 'independent contractors' that this program is supposed to help alleviate. He made light of Eddie Guerrero's death and the impact it had on people. Shane and Vince even openly mocked drug abuse on the air. And it was all done for the lame payoff of Vince and Shane being showered in apple juice being passed off as urine. This doesn't sell WWE PPVs. This sells TNA PPVs. Once people find out that TNA doesn't feature false urine testing and the mocking of serious social problems, I think they're going to find their numbers increasing, particularly with their move to prime-time. But I'll expand on that later.

Wrestlemania XXII may very well go down as the worst Wrestlemania ever. The only good thing that can come from this (apart from a career ending injury to either Flair, Michaels or both) is an awakening in the WWE power structure that they've lost touch with reality, their fans and the concept of entertainment.