Elmoronic

Finally, the world is starting to come around to my way of thinking. This article argues what I have been saying for years. Elmo is evil.

That's right, the lovable, perpetually infantile little red monster, adored by millions, is quite possibly the most despicable creature on television right now. And that includes Bill O'Reilly and Ben Mulroney.

I've been bemoaning Elmo's existence ever since he began taking precedence over the more mature Grover. Grover mastered Near and Far, then had it stolen by Elmo. Hell, they even took away Grover's literary classic, The Monster At The End Of This Book, and replaced it with Another Monster At The End Of This Book. Why? So Elmo could get in the book.

The whole problem was exacerbated by the Tickle Me Elmo craze of ten years ago. That horrid little toy not only ruined thousands of Christmases, but helped to perpetuate a growing Elmo myth that should have been nipped in the bud.

Since then, the malignant cancer that is Elmo has spread throughout Sesame Street, destroying all that was once good and decent about the place. Such horrors hadn't been seen there since the tragic loss of Mr. Hooper. And had the death of Mr. Hooper happened today, I'm sure the giggling idiots would try to make a fort with his casket, and entertain themselves while misreading his tombstone and drooling on their furry chests.

This article is more than simply a commentary on the current state of Sesame Street. It is a call for all those of us who refuse to accept the Lowest Common Denominator to stand up and resist. To demand the end of the Elmoronics.

The Elmolution Will Not Be Televised